Welcome back to part 2 of this post. Thank you to all the individuals who have viewed this post. Here are some more things I have learned in 2017.
I overheard the following conversation many times in the past.
Person A: “…So whats happening now? Are any guys on the horizon?…”
Person B: “hmm what do you mean?””
Person A: “…don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about now… do you have a man yet?”
Person B: “Oh! That….. well not yet actually. Hopefully soon. You’ll be the first to know when wedding bells ring”
Person A: “But whose car is that parked outside? I heard you bought a car and I was wondering…”
Person B: “Ah yes. Please thank God with me. I just bought that car. I imported the model I liked from the US. It took a while but I now have my dream car…”
Person A: “Hmm, you are not even helping yourself. We are still praying for you to find a husband and you are here driving flashy cars around town. Do you not realise that you can drive away potential husbands by living such a flashy lifestyle?”
Person B: “Why would you say that? I worked so hard all these years. I literally worked my fingers to the bone to keep my job while building my business on the side. Is it now a crime for me to reward myself a little for all my hard work?”
Person A “I’m trying to give you good advice and you’re here speaking english for me. You better go and exchange that car for a smaller, used model. After that go and start praying for all the guys who you have given the red light by your flashy car; to return…”
I have heard this conversation in its many variations over the years. I believe that by now, most people like myself can see what an erroneous way of thinking this is. The need for comfort is peculiar to us as human beings. Sometimes it is easy to stick with people that make you feel like you are doing OK. The fact that a relationship may not be possible due to a potential spouse feeling intimidated by a the other person’s success is true. I may not have witnessed it, but I believe that some men may find a very successful woman uncomfortable to relate with . Should this stop one from working hard and being successful as a single person? I think that would be a rather unwise way to go. I personally see success as a filter. It is in fact such a powerful filter and indeed a game changer for all kids of relationships.
In 2017 I have had access to both stagnant and growing people. I realised that as much as it was very comfortable to hang around rather content people (yes I’m guilty too); it didn’t necessarily make me feel any better. Rather, on the days I was in touch with people whose motion and growth made me feel backward, it spurred me to take steps to grow. Growth and success mean many things and applies to many situations but doesn’t only encompass things like material resources. It could also be something like seeing someone handle a tricky situation better than I would have. Every time I observed someone doing more with what they had than I was doing with what I had, I was quite uncomfortable. At that point I had two choices. I could either dissociate myself from such a person, or begin to aspire to my next step of growth.
When you begin to grow yourself, it is important to remember that not everyone would be inspired by your growth. Your growth may make someone else uncomfortable and they may choose to withdraw. However, if you remain true to yourself, you will end up with people who have the right mentality to match the success you enjoy
AS A MUM I AM A LEADER
It is a common saying that the husband is the head of the home. While this is true, I have learned that as a woman in the home, whatever mood I’m in will spread to everyone at home in one way or the other. It is therefore important that I learn to manage my emotions well. I find that it is so easy to develop the mindset that home is a private space. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is because as parents we reproduce ourselves in our children.
I have also observed that our children no matter how young, are able to pick vibes and energy. In the same way you cannot push a rope, you cannot lead anyone to a space you aren’t already occupying. I have now learned that the vision I have for my children should be the space I am occupying and operating out of. So if I want to raise friendly, yet independent women for daughters, I need to be that now; not tomorrow, not next week, NOW!!! My children I have also noticed do what they see me do, this totally changes me from being “just a mum” to a potential world changer.
LIFE IS LIKE A GAME OF LAWN TENNIS
I am am avid tennis fan. Growing up my dad played lawn tennis and we all fell in love with the game. We’d stay up late, wake up early, do whatever it took to follow the tournaments all year round. It’s just something we enjoyed as a family.
The game of tennis is interesting because to win the player has to achieve a predetermined scoreline without a time restriction. Both players try to achieve this scoreline by winning points consistently to achieve that winning score. In tennis one opponent has to lose a point for the other to gain a point. This is key to the game, especially on the important points. In fact, the greatest champions of the game are those who can turn a match around by consistently winning points, thereby pausing the other player’s winning streak.
In life, just like in tennis, I find that the ball is entirely in my court. The day I decide it is over for my opponent is exactly what it’s going to be. Every point won will always spell doom for the obstacles. It also doesn’t necessarily take perfection to win. You just have to do well at the things and times that matter the most. The mindset and belief of winning is also an important component.
Believe it or not, I went through a dark period at one point in my life. It was at that point that I learned that life is a fight. I realised that only those who can find strength even when there is none around; will thrive. One of the things that stood out for me in my journey to overcoming those obstacles was the fact that it was an uneven contest from the beginning. If you are reading this blog right now and you are having a hard time with anything; just remember that you have a choice. It has been pre-designed that whatever you choose will be. Whether it is the pursuit of your dreams or overcoming a bad habit, restoring broken parts of your life, or getting serious about your spiritual life, it is your choice. Your situation is waiting for you to say… “ENOUGH!”
Thank you so much for reading my journey. I will be posting my final four lessons learned in 2017 very shortly.