Its Christmas again.
The pain won’t go away.
The two statements seem practically unrelated, but for some, this is their reality.
Pain at Christmas.
For them, this is the worst time of the year.
Lots and lots of festivities characterize this season.
Loud cheery music, smiling faces, people bustling about to get last-minute presents and food items, family outings and all round fun time with family, friends and loved ones.
Everywhere you look there are happy faces.
Not for everyone though.
Three days ago, My dad sent a message of the passing of someone who was like a grandfather to us all. He was over 80 years. You would say, he was lucky to have lived that long, but nobody is ever prepared for the passing of a loved one, no matter the age.
I couldn’t help but think of his wife, how she would feel this Christmas without her husband of over 50 years.
For her, this Christmas will always be different.
Because we believe we would see him again, we do not grieve as though he’s lost, but it still doesn’t lessen the sense of loss we feel.
There are others who will face this Christmas alone as a result of a love that has gone sour and divorce has left its mark on the family. Christmas would never feel the same again.
Others would spend Christmas in the hospital bed either as a patient or nursing a loved one, or even behind bars.
For others, it’s the death of a dream or the fact that they no longer have a job.
They wonder how they will ever survive?
For these people, the bells are not jingling and Santa can’t find his way to their homes.
It’s a cold, dreary Christmas.
They see happy people around and wish they could be happy.
But the truth of their situation keeps them awake at night and their pillows wet with tears.
Is all hope lost, you ask?
If for any reason you feel there is no reason to celebrate this Christmas, then this post is for you.
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It’s okay to grieve.
You do not have to maintain a facade of smiles when you don’t feel like it. Cry if you feel like.
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Ask for help.
Some people would gladly lend a helping hand if only you would ask. There are people who genuinely care. Don’t push them away.
Don’t say you are fine, when you really are far from it. If you need help with chores, ask. If you need someone to watch the kids while you take a quiet walk, ask. You are not alone.
Most kindhearted people find it difficult to ask for help. Give yourself a breather and accept help. -
Realize that it will get better.
You won’t always feel this way. With the right support system (God, family and friends), you will go through this phase. When you decide to lean on God, He has a way of giving comfort where all others fail. Check here for further reading on how to cope with grief.
For those of us who have every reason to celebrate, let’s do so thoughtfully. Let’s appreciate each day for the gift that it is.
And also extend a hand of fellowship to the next person.
Let the spirit of Christmas spur us to acts of kindness.Your bright smile can lift the spirits of someone, or how you play a comforting tune, or take time to listen to others. A warm hug can go a long way. Gifts can be inexpensive, but thoughtful. Make someone else smile this season, someone who can’t possibly repay you.
Bankole Williams in his tweet yesterday mentioned things like buying balloons for children in the neighborhood. Funny, right? But it can go a long way to light up a child’s face.
Let’s not wait till we can buy a truck load of food and gifts for an orphanage before we decide to make a difference.
Be the Christmas they feel. I know I didn’t cover them all, so what are your suggestions for spreading the spirit of Christmas?
Have a Merry Christmas.
Great writeup again Ruth, thinking of those who may be alone and/or lonely at this time of the year and providing helpful tips is awesome. In the same vein my prayers go out to men and women of the Armed Forces around the world, especially Nigeria, who are giving up conventional celebration for the general safety of the populace. God be with us all.
Merry Christmas!
Thanks Nick.
They make immense sacrifices for the safety of the general public. God bless and keep them. Thanks for sharing.
I guess you’ve arrived?
My Christmas is completely ruined! Just broke up with my fiancé. I feel all alone and helpless. Everyone is laughing around me. But I feel so empty and hurt. I was hoping to make beautiful memories this Christmas but it turned the other way around. *sobbing*
Hi Noela,
Thank you for reading. *hugs*
I can only imagine how you feel. A break up is death in a sense, death of the relationship and what could have been. I’d suggest you quietly talk to God about how you feel and ask for His strength. That’s a guaranteed source of comfort, any day.
Depending on where you are, solitude may not be the best.
Look for people you can do acts of kindness for this season. Volunteer at an Elderly home or a shelter for teens/youth, seek out places you can be busy helping others.
When we see others in need and are able to help, it give us a better perspective on our lives and the challenges we face.
I want you to also understand that the end of a relationship doesn’t mean you are worse off. Some people have had the biggest opportunities just after a huge setback.
You will look back on this period and smile.
Remember the trees look their ugliest just before spring. Your time to bloom is around the corner.
Keep your head high, girl.
I’m praying for you
Hi Ruth,
Good to be over at your blog, though I’m sorry for your uncle and feel bad for his wife for the loss she has to suffer.
We all have to face such situations and it’s tough when they happen at the time of festivities. So, you’re right that we should celebrate every moment of our life and try to help people in any way that we can. We need strength and should give strength to people during such trying times; this is a temporary/passing phase but its tough and may make a person weak. You’re right that we don’t need to wait to make it big, but we should give whatever we can to bring smiles on the face of the needy.
Thanks for reminding us about the importance of happiness and the spirit of Christmas. Have a blessed week ahead 🙂
Harleena Singh recently posted…5 Fun Ways to Deal with Toxic Emotions and Thoughts
Hi Harleena,
Welcome. Good to have you here.
Thanks for your kind condolences. Death and loss itself as you rightly said, is inevitable. It’s what difference we make when we still have life that matters.
Hope you are having a swell time with family and friends. Regards to Vinay.
Have a blessed week too
Hi Ruth,
I’m so very sorry for your loss and with it coming at this particular time of the year just makes it worse.
I know what you mean when people say that because of their age we should be thankful they had a long life. It still hurts though, loss is never easy and we will mourn them for some time to come.
I do know though with everything that I am that those who have passed on wouldn’t want us to be sad and not celebrate the meaning of Christmas. I know what you’re talking about though, respecting others as they go through their own heartaches and difficult times. I just with that for this one day though that they too would share the job of the occasion because life isn’t going to give us any time off.
Sorry for my very late visit but love the new blog and I can so appreciate this post. I wish you the very best moving forward though and hope that time will help tremendously.
~Adrienne
Adrienne recently posted…How to Improve Your Blog With This 90 Day Plan
Hi Adrienne,
Good to have you here.Thanks for your warm thoughts and I’m glad you really get the message of the post. Time would eventually lend a helping hand.
Thanks for helping me get started. I wouldn’t have come this far without your help.
Have a fruitful New Year.
Ruth
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